February 12, 2013
It's finally a sunny day. Gone are the gray skies and the full clouds that have robbed us of light for days now. They parted ways around dawn and have left a beautiful bright morning in their wake. A morning that I should be spending doing the endless chores on my list. Instead, I've been walking around in a daze thinking about things that have been weighing on me, keeping me hostage and stealing the light just like those ugly dark clouds.
Bad times come and go, just like good ones, so I know this ride is a relatively short one and what we shoulder during the day are just cycles of life. It's hard coping with sick parents and being a thousand miles away, it's hard having a son stray a little too far out of reach, it's hard watching someone you love feel helpless even though you swear to them that you know they're doing their best....and darnit, it's rough having to start over with a new blog after three years.
I need to stop playing on the internet. Sometimes it makes me feel inadequate and gets me thinking in too many directions about what I want, what I want to do, what I can be better at, what to read, what to buy, how to decorate, where I want to go now.......it's endless.
I also need to stop writing lists. They're starting to look like wayward manuscripts of someone's very fairytale life.
The point of all this rambling is not to feel sorry for myself or to focus on the hard things. It's more to reiterate to myself that life is hard and good...all at the same time.
And finding an hour to myself to put together pretty music (and learning the self timer on my camera) is one of those good times.
Hope today is a lovely one for you.
you are so right sarah. life is hard and good. that sounds like a hemingway line! you are a brilliant writer and photographer sarah. xo
ReplyDeleteA lovely shot of you playing the piano! We are all "guilty" I think of spending too much time on the internet and yes, it has the ability to "rob" us, not just of time, but of our sense of self and well being. It can easily make us feel inadequate and that's such a bad way to look at ourselves. The ups and downs carry us along and sometimes the downs all seem to happen at once, as is happening with you. But little by little things resolve and things move forward and like the sun coming back out from behind the clouds, so too do the happier moments and the good feelings and the "ups" carry us up and over. Sending you winds to keep carrying you.
ReplyDeleteI have been there ... Nothing lasts...but maybe nothing really ends, either, Sarah. I have learned that losses and difficulties of any kind very often create as many opportunities for personal growth and richness of the soul as they teach us acceptance and not taking anything for granted. Stop writing lists, go with the flow ... and play music ... You seem so in touch with your heart while playing the piano ...
ReplyDeleteSarah, It seems like when we think the blue sky is endless and all is well the clouds blow in and steal our day, our breath, away. There is a song I love from the broadway production of "The Secret Garden", "Hold On"; I listen to it when I am feeling most desperate and everything is falling down around my shoulders. The song is a reminder... "it's the storm not you that's bound to blow away...there are angels on their way, hold on." Sending you good thoughts. Bonnie
ReplyDeleteThis is such a beautiful photo and portrays so much. And what you wrote is just beautiful too. I think you said it all when you said: "Sometimes it makes me feel inadequate and gets me thinking in too many directions", this is so true of me too, although I could never put it into words like that. I love how you write and it has really got me to thinking too why do we spend so much time on the internet when their are so many things we could be doing. It's really not like me but nevertheless I still do it. Why? I don't know, I guess it's an addiction just like anything else. Maybe we are looking for an answer that really isn't there? I will take hold of these words and try to change my life tomorrow and remember what you said and maybe, just maybe when I go to sleep tomorrow night I will be proud of what I really did accomplish by not being on the computer. {and I will thank you}
ReplyDeleteI am sorry your parents are not well and being a thousand miles away. That is so hard. My Mother & family are a thousand miles away too, almost to the mile and it is not easy. But every day I keep telling myself I am doing the best I can and it's OKAY.
Sending you the best of wishes and a {{hug}} for you too across the miles.
Sarah, feeling you. Last year two of my young ones died, one by disease and the other was killed, and because of a previous injury and some related diseases, my body also appears near-death. Taking it moment-to-moment these days is all I can muster, and the few blogs I follow bring smiles where otherwise there wouldn't be. Life is heaping it on thick with everyone these days! It seems all any of us can do is what we do .. and we have to accept all we do is the very best and is enough. Hang in there! Song rec .. U2 Walk On. ♥
ReplyDeleteMichele,
ReplyDeleteYour pain would be too much for me to bear. I can't imagine the struggles you must endour each day. Sometimes life throws us huge crappy curveballs but always remember that it IS GOOD. I'm glad you have found some places to escape to and I'm glad you're here with me. You hang in there too! and I send you a big hug whenever you need it. xo
Sarah
Dear Sarah, I only shared because sometimes it helps to know many more of us are feeling at the edge too. I am hanging in there as it all feels really almost too surreal, because like Bonnie mentions above, most days it feels like "angels" hold me up. I can only hope we all experience this during what seems like the darkest of moments. We are all in it together. hugs back!
ReplyDeletedear sarah,
ReplyDeleteyou write it beautifully,
sharing intimate thoughts,
and i am happy to see your self portrait.
i can relate to your words so much. the constant rushing ahead of ourselves, wanting something else, someone else, or just more more more. instead of landing in here and now and really standing open for all the beauty there is.
life is hard and good. all at the same time. so true.
sending you a warm embrace,
take care!
Such a lovely shot. I love the play of light and shadows....
ReplyDeleteI hope that feel better soon, and I believe you grow your site into something precious and beautiful.
Beautifully said. B E A U T I F U L ! ! ! ! <3
ReplyDeleteSending love, blessings,and a hug.T.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful self-portrait..and - yes - this whole comparing ourselves to others can be so self-defeating.
ReplyDeleteI guess I always wanted to be like you, playing in the colors and singing tomorrow while at the same time harmonizing that has some fascinating words to reveal: Its unspeakable glories...
ReplyDelete